Sharada Sivapurapu కవిత

THE SEARCH FOR ME // Sharada Sivapurapu Why am I in a hurry to complete ‘The journey’, the life’s journey; not realizing completion of journey means the ‘end of journey’. All along this journey I have collected a lot of baggage, emotional baggage to be precise. As I reach or fail to reach a mile stone, my emotional baggage gets heavier. There are generous contributions by people in my world to this emotional baggage. I understand each one of us struggles to carry this emotional baggage our selves. It is very difficult to rid oneself off this emotional baggage as few would be willing to share it. This baggage becomes a partner for life, it becomes my shadow. No matter how fast I run, where ever I try to escape my shadow follows me. Some times it suddenly gobbles me from behind and drowns me in a sea of misery. The peace and joy of the present moment are lost in the memory of misery of past. My past sometimes dwarfs me. Some times it touches me like a gentle breeze and takes me down the memory lane into my childhood to relive the warmth of my mother’s lap, the affectionate call of my father. I relish again the delicacies my mother cooked with love, revel in the joy of adorning new clothes and the fervour with which festivals were celebrated. No joy in the present can be equal to those emotions so pure and enjoyable. The shadow of past follows me every minute and every minute I am engaged in weighing every thing of my present life with that of my past. The shadow of my future also emanates from me, but I am not able to catch up with it. It always runs ahead of me. Some times it becomes so big that I can not believe it is my own shadow. Some times it becomes so small that I get worried. Some times it runs pellmell, I struggle to find where it is, and in which direction it goes. Some times I give up my chase, unable to catch up only to know, to my dismay; the shadow is in a different direction. I change my direction and chase it, alas, even then I am not able to catch up with it and merge it in me. I try hard to clear the haze, mist and fog between me and the shadow in front of me, clear all the clutter and the few times when I feel I have caught it, I realize it is not my shadow. The shadow in the behind and the shadow in front of me, both cause concern and appear futile.Amidst these shadows, I often forget that it is the “Me” that creates these shadows. Sadly I confine myself in these appalling precincts and squirm in them. I get frustrated and try to come out of this labyrinth of the dead past and unborn future. The search for the “Me” continues and seems to be unending. I realize that the search for the “Me” can not start from the morass of past, the past which ceased to be true for me and as much for others in my past or the unborn, uncertain, idealistic, goal oriented future. I realize that I have been trying to build the dream house of my future on the foundation of precariously wobbly past. Truth is the passing moment in which I am there with all my physical presence aware of my feelings, happiness, sadness, pains and suffering. With my breath confirming every passing moment of my existence and its awareness, I come into the open, out of the shambles of these cages of past and future and see that there are shadows neither at the back nor in front of me. I find that the true “Me” is in the present moment, the ‘what is now’ of me and my surroundings. With this awareness, I stop the search for the “Me” or the search ends because I find the “Me”, well I do not know. I now realize the worth of each moment of life and relish it like a platter full of exotic delicacies, carefully served in quantities I deserve and I can digest. I realize that it is a careful mixture of all tastes; sour, sweet, bitter, tangy, spicy and salty. Some of them selected by me consciously and some by sheer acceptance, some by my sheer luck, fate or natural justice, whatever way it may be called. For good or bad, for sweet or bitter tastes in this platter of life, I own full responsibility. The convergence of so many tastes makes this meal of life on the whole sumptuous and delicious. This awareness and acceptance of truth, transcends me into a beautiful morning every day; when the birds sing like never before and the cool breeze carries an unknown healing fragrance from far and touches me all over. The brilliance and brightness of the morning enhances my mood like never before. Each day I watch with amazement, the mountains slowly but proudly pushing the sun up after decorating him in feathery strands of clouds, dressed in orange, yellow and purple. The wind gently raises the curtain of clouds; in the back-ground, several small birds sing mellifluously; trees grow blushing, tender and new leaves by night; the radiant green grass decorates itself with shining crests of dew drops. The sound of breeze, like that of a flute played by an ecstatic musician enchants the soul. After I end the search for the “Me”, each day, each moment, I find myself in the timelessness of this magnificent, spectacular show of the universe. In this present moment life flows like a gentle stream which looks like a divine grace; sounds like a melodious song and feels like a precious gift. In the ecstasy of this evolving moment chanced upon me not by sheer luck or fate but by constant conscious catharsis, I look here and there to check the guest list and exult in the fact that the new found “Me” is the chief guest here in this quixotic moment of today. 14/06/2014

by Sharada Sivapurapu



from kavi sangamam*కవి సంగమం*(Poetry ) http://ift.tt/TV2UaK

Posted by Katta